Dear God,

How do I speak to you? I have tried praying but it doesn’t work. Then I saw that you have a WordPress account. Can I pray to you through your blog?

- Peter

Peter,

Well, you can use this blog to speak and pray to me, sure. But wouldn’t you prefer a more creative method?

Have you tried morse code? How about armpit farts?

Besides, Peter, what do you really have to say to God? Here you are talking to me, and all you’ve said so far is that you can’t talk to me. If you can’t talk to me, then how come I got your message?

Pray away, if you like. I’m ready.

- God

Dear God,

I’ve just graduated from college and started working in the business world, and I’ve noticed that many businesses prefer to use pads of paper that are yellow. I don’t get it. Why do they need yellow note pads? What’s wrong with the plain old white pads of paper?

- Phil

Phil,

There are two reasons for this practice. First of all, yellow paper requires extra dye, and so the dye makers convinced people in some lines of business, a long time ago, to start using yellow paper in return for special access to back rooms in the dye-making factories for secret meetings of practices with questionable legality. As a result, for generations, the dye business was a front for organized crime.

The second reason for the use of these yellow note pads comes from Revolutionary War history. The official story has it that Paul Revere’s midnight ride was triggered by a lantern in a tower – one if the British came by land, two if by sea. That’s not how it really happened. What really happened is that Paul Revere was to receive a note – on white paper if the British came by land, and on yellow paper if the British came by sea. So, it’s been considered patriotic ever since for businesses to write notes on pads of yellow paper.

- God

Dear God,

For a long time, you have been writing a blog under the title Advice From God over at AdviceFromGod.com. How come all of a sudden you’re writing a blog over here at WordPress.com under the Advice From God name?

Isn’t this repetitive?

- Disaster Dan

Dan,

No, it isn’t being repetitive. I’m God. I’m omnipresent, see.

Every now and then I like to prove it by showing myself in two places at once. I’m blogging both here and there.

Cool trick, huh?

- God